it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
