So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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