Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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