I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
