Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
