his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's blow job season.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
