I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
