dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
