so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
