Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
