I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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