I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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