Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
