Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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