Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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