i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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