i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
