She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
