I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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