My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
