I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
