I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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