You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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