Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
