You smell like stripper and shame
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
