you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
pop tarts are not kleenex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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