im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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