i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
