wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
