So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
