You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
