Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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