Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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