her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
