There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize