you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
