i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
