I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
