he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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