Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
