HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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