So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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