Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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