I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dick very happy bro
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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