I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Im part way to drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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