And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
