420 ftw
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
