dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
