the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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