What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
