it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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