I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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