at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
