I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
