U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize