I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
