At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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