3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
