There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
