So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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