Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
