Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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