Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
