I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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