Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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