i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
