chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
