You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
