You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
